Captain B offers salve for the
baffled, the ornery, the battle-ax
and the bastard on the couch
Some people do better alone or with a cat or a book in the apartment than with another opposing-thumb creature using up the TP.
But if you're one of the millions who voluntarily plunged into what Chang and Eng Bunker did without a choice, I'd like to offer a few observations and or/pointers on this, my 7-year anniversary.
*Experts say marriage is work, but I haven't found that to be true. Mine's fun. Sanding 4 closets for 8 hours in 96-degree weather in an apartment with no air conditioning is work. If you're not having any fun, you're not looking for fun, and you don't have to look further than the guy in the reflection of yer bottle of Bud.
*Always strive to make the marriage the best it can be, and strive to be the best spouse, forever.
*Expressing yourself in a relationship is an art, but it's an equal art to know when to hesh, or find a better way of saying what you have to say.
*Don't try to have a conversation when one of you isn't in the room or has water of any kind running.
*Don't piggyback little complaints onto the big complaints.
*If you don't know what the other is thinking, ask them.
*Try not to go dead just because you're married. Keep seeing new possibilities, opportunities and seek adventure everywhere.
*Don't close the taps on loving others, even those of the opposite sex.
*Even if you've told them you love and appreciate them last week, tell them again this week and next week.
*If you come into a little money and want to spoil yourself, spoil her, too.
*Using either kindness or anger in an attempt to get what you want may not produce results, but one puts dents in the marriage and the other doesn't.
*Don't ever complain, even the slightest little bit, about your spouse to anyone, ever.
*From time to time when they're not home, go and look at the little objects they use in their life, like a shoe, a shirt, a necklace, a book, an eye mask. This will make you long for them.
*Always be flirting with them.
*Take her for a nice ride in a $375,000 Rolls-Royce and let her drive it in a parking lot. Ok, ok, that's my own little quirk. But ya get the point.
Monster Attack: Small Kingdom
2 years ago