Bunkmates

Who says New Yorkers don't know their neighbors? This is my current cast, though I sometimes suspect they are all dead and fig newtons of my imagination, or I of theirs.

*Friendly lady I sold my late father's exercise bike to who has four dogs, a bunch of cats, a fish and a turtle.

*Mom who owns lingerie store two blocks away that I've never bought anything from.

*Well-dressed man who hasn't said anything but "hi" in three years, but whose other half is always friendly and always asks me how my races are going if I'm doing one and who says she wants to be a bodybuilder but will never do it.

*Canadian actor who just got a Green Card, his psychiatrist wife and their cute, well-behaved poodle who are fighting with the man in the apartment below theirs and who claim he keyed their car recently.

*Two young guys with particularly great mutt who always leave the building to smoke.

*Couple across the way whose flat-screen TV is always on and who may or may not have seen me without my clothes.

*New neighbor mom who recently said she was moving, with husband, to a floor above due to severe second-hand smoke coming from the apartment below, but hasn't done it yet.

*Amiable Oscar Madison-ish palooka who smokes cigars and has been in the building since the 70s.

*Adorable 90+ year old lady across the way who doesn't speak anything but Spanish and who I've never seen wearing anything except a nightgown in 5 years.

*Angry, handsome man with moustache who recently said hi for the first time since I left him notes about his barking dog 3 years ago.

*Crazy lady from Iran. KEEP BACK 100 FEET

*Petite lady from Portugal who is soft and sweet and friendly and who reminds me of my mother.

*Couple 3 floors below us who have expertly remodeled the interior of their apartment; if you happen to go by while the door is open, you'll see marble kitchen counter tops, tasteful cone lighting and lots of wooden things.

*Angry actress who has given up acting.

*Six-foot-two bassoonist who has gained and lost weight over the last 3 years.

*Happy new Mom who owns a condo in CT that she rented to people who were arrested within a few days of moving into the apartment; they were using it to deal crystal meth.

*"Running man", who you may remember used to leave notes at my door wanting a ride to Strand Books on W. 12th Street. He is Running Man because he runs from the door of the apartment building to the subway three blocks away.

*Guy whose Asian girlfriend moved out when they broke up.

*Short fellow with two kids who I always make the embarrassing mistake of saying, "Hola!" and "Buenos Dias!" to even though he told me he's not Latino.

*Superintendent from Puerto Rico who worked for Con Ed for 18 years, used to have an auto body repair shop in the Bronx before that, and who I gave a joyride to down to the George Washington Bridge and back yesterday in a 2009 Lamborghini Gallardo.

*Curly-headed guy who doesn't seem to have a job and his friendly wife with the red hair.